*Reader discretion is advised. 

“It’s the cradle of life.  It’s the center of civilization.  Men have fought for it.  Even died for it.”  I have to admit.  The television had my attention.  On screen, swords and horses in medieval garb clashed .  It looked like the trailer for some epic period piece I didn’t want to miss.  And then the announcer said it.  “Hail to the V.”  It was a commercial for … well … umm … a feminine product.  Excuse me?  Did I hear correctly?  Did she just say “Hail to the V?!”

What’s happening here?  I’m all for acknowledging my feminine power, but I don’t need it hailed on national television!  I was complaining about this not-so-recent trend to my hairdresser.  Advertisers seem to be letting it all hang out.  I finally got used to all the condom and erectile dysfunction ads when there seemed to be a whole new slew of offenders.  She agreed.  She can’t stand the colorful bears with all the pieces left behind.  And the slogan.  Enjoy the go?  I detest watching the cartoon babies scrunch up their faces in concentration while competing in some kind of crapping contest set to the music “Whoop, (or is it poop?) There It Is.”  What the hell goes on in there that diapers need to come with blowout protection?  

And then there’s this candor: “It’s time to get real about what happens in the bathroom.  And start talking about what you really want from your toilet paper.”  But I don’t wanna!  Maybe I’m a fuddy-duddy, but I’m sure I’m not alone in this.  It must be real embarrassing to watch T.V. with your kids nowadays.  Imagine trying to explain why the couple in bed are so exhausted in a particular “yours and mine” commercial.  (And before you say I watch way too much T.V., I was sick last week.)

I guess these corporations know what they’re doing.  They conduct market research test groups, right?  All I’m saying is that if I did need to buy diapers, I’d be sure to avoid the brand with the cartoon babies.